


In Dreams

by hepcatliz



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Bad Dreams, Harry Hart Lives, Kingsman 2 Spoilers, M/M, MCD but canon MCD, PTSD, i guess?, probably, seriously, what even are tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-13 03:06:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11750772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hepcatliz/pseuds/hepcatliz
Summary: Merlin wakes with a shout, clutching at his throat, trying to catch a breath he never lost.  Not really, not in real life, but he feels breathless all the same.  He may live but he dies their deaths in dreams.





	In Dreams

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anarchycox](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anarchycox/gifts).



* * *

 

_He’s running, can hear his footfalls echoing against the concrete floor. Can hear himself in his ear, guiding him forward._

_{Good work Lamorak, it's another left and then the second right.}_

_He skids around the corner and bolts for his exit._

_{Nearly there, you've got a dozen following fifty metres behind you.}_

_He slams through the door raising his sidearm and takes out one two three four of the men in the room._

_{Good Lamorak, your exit is at the end of the room.}_

_He makes for the door and is suddenly blown sideways_

_lifted off his feet_

_flying flying_

_**THUMP** _

_{Lamorak report!}_

_But he can't report, he can't breathe, can't move, oh god why can't he move?_

_{Lamorak, there was an explosion, stay with me. Extraction is six minutes out.}_

_… an explosion, he tries to wipe the dust from his eyes his nose God he can't breathe_

_[Merlin, Merlin I can't move Merlin, oh god why can't I move?]_

_{It’s alright Lamorak, I'm here and the team is only four minutes out. Stay with me.}_

_[Merlin, I … I can't breathe]_

_{Lamorak, stay with me, breathe with me, come on in and out, in and out}_

_[… Merlin please Merlin help_

_… please help m…]_

“Lamorak!”

Merlin wakes with a shout, clutching at his throat, trying to catch a breath he never lost. Not really, not in real life, but he feels breathless all the same. He may live but he dies their deaths in dreams.

Harry is there, always there, to bring him back to life. A tentative hand on his shoulder, a slow careful caress to grasp his hand. A soft kiss pressed to his knuckles, murmuring calming words until Merlin catches his breath. Harry pulling Merlin into his arms, surrounding him with his warmth, his scent, his words. His proof that they are here, now, alive and in the bed they share.

Merlin’s worst dream is Harry's.

_He can see the red mist cover his vision feel the pure joy of using one's skills to their fullest extent feel the confusion of having his autonomy taken away hear his own voice ask_

_{What did you do to me}_

_feel the heat of the Kentucky sun smell the death behind him the tarmac below him the last words he ever hears coming from a megalomaniac_

_[ain't that kind of movie]_

He wakes from these dreams slowly, seeing a beautiful blue sky and quietly weeping. Because he knows, even dreaming he knows, that when he wakes Harry won't be there. Harry won't be there to comfort him, to remind him that he is alive. He copes as well as he can, which is to say not very well. The bad dreams were never frequent, but it seems without Harry they are harder to recover from.

Merlin thought he was dreaming when he saw Harry behind the glass. Thought his mind had finally come up with something new, something a little less awful to cope with. But he wasn't dreaming, Harry was alive. And now he was home, in their home. Harry wasn't the same man who left, some part of him would always be in Kentucky, but he was home.

The last time Merlin dreamed Harry's death, Harry was there. He was actually there, in their bed. He could hear Merlin, feel the bed move as he cried. He reached over, instinctively, tentatively touched Merlin's shoulder. Merlin startled at the touch, still lost in the dream. He turned toward the touch and met Harry's gaze. His one-eyed gaze.

Merlin reached out to touch Harry, not fully believing he was actually there. When his fingers touched the scar on Harry's face he sobbed, clutching the back of Harry's head. He surged closer, grabbing whatever part of Harry he could find. “ _No Harry, you can’t be here, you died … I saw you die … we buried … you you died … how can you be here.”_ Awake but not trusting his mind, he grabbed and pulled at Harry, until he could feel, smell, taste every part of him.

And Harry let himself be pulled and grabbed, clutching Merlin close to his chest. Whispering fervent rebuttals to Merlin’s denials. _“I'm here James, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, shhh darling, we're here together. You and me, James, together darling hush now.”_ Wiping away tears, kissing his beloved, surrounding Merlin with as much of himself as he could.

Merlin finally allowed himself to be engulfed by Harry. The sense memory of _safetyhomelove_ calming him, releasing the last dregs of the dream from his mind. Shaking his head, he drew a shuddering breath and curled deeper into Harry’s embrace. “Fuck Harry, I missed you so damn much. What am I going to do if you leave me? I don’t think I can handle you dead again.”

“I know love, I know. But I’m here now. We are here _together_ , in our bed. This is all that matters now darling.” Harry squeezed him tight, kissed his forehead. “And I’ll still be here in the morning. We can talk then, make plans. But hush now, that’s it.” Harry rubbed circles over Merlin’s back, whispering quietly in the darkness until they fell into a dreamless sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> This started from a prompt from the lovely anarchycox, who spammed me with many a few weeks ago. This one stuck, pretty much "merlahad, one of them has had a bad dream". Thanks for the wonderful idea!
> 
> As with many things, this ended up not where I planned. And I did have a plan! But I suspect it was a little too adventurous for my beginner chops. Still, this was a fun one, actually teared up when the end came to me.


End file.
